Interesting stories

I've never eaten squirrel, but I know two people who have. One had it in a game pie at some "do" and the pie even had squirrel tails sticking out of the top as a decoration - much as they sometimes do with the tail feathers of pheasants.

I don't know how the second squirrel-eater had his cooked or presented, but he reckoned in was delicious and will be on the menus of all classy restaurants soon.

Warning! Ladies beware of the Wii Fit
http://www.theregister.co.uk/2010/04/15/wii_fit_fall/

ma man keeps pushin me affa wer weefit now

'A crime of vanity'
http://www.cbc.ca/canada/story/2010/04/20/pearson-arrest.html

It seems that some people back in the mid 1960s had a pretty good idea of what the future could hold, even if they were a bit ahead of their time, expecting it in 20 years (1985) rather than 40+ years later. The picture of a "World in a Box" machine could easily equate to todays laptops and netbooks.
Of course if you had used the word "Internet" then most people would have wondered what you were talking about!

http://calderup.wordpress.com/2010/05/04/internet-64/

Mystery of the constantly-draining hot tub solved. Nice picture of the `criminal`
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/worldnews/article-1280882/Mystery-constantly-draining-jacuzzi-solved-elephant-caught-camera-DRINKING-it.html

Okay everyone, here's the bargain of a lifetime
http://www.amazon.co.uk/gp/product/B000NWMZK8

A group of professional people posed this question to a group of 4 to 8 year-olds, 'What does love mean?' The answers they got were broader and deeper than anyone could have imagined. See what you think:


I moved my favorite one to the top - it reminds me of how you made sure Dad got both thighs. - Joan


'Love is when Mommy gives Daddy the best piece of chicken.'

Elaine-age 5

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'Love is what makes you smile when you're tired....'

Terri - age 4
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'Love is when my mommy makes coffee for my daddy and she takes a sip before giving it to him, to make sure the taste is OK.'

Danny - age 7

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'Love is when you kiss all the time. Then when you get tired of kissing, you still want to be together and you talk more.
My Mommy and Daddy are like that. They look gross when they kiss'

Emily - age 8

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'Love is what's in the room with you at Christmas if you stop opening presents and listen.'

Bobby - age 7 (Wow!)

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'If you want to learn to love better, you should start with a friend who you hate,'

Nikka - age 6
(we need a few million more Nikka's on this planet)

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'Love is when you tell a guy you like his shirt, then he wears it everyday.'

Noelle - age 7

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'Love is like a little old woman and a little old man who are still friends even after they know each other so well.'

Tommy - age 6

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'During my piano recital, I was on a stage and I was scared. I looked at all the people watching me and saw my daddy waving and smiling.

He was the only one doing that. I wasn't scared anymore.'

Cindy - age 8

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'My mommy loves me more than anybody
You don't see anyone else kissing me to sleep at night.'

Clare - age 6

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'Love is when Mommy sees Daddy smelly and sweaty and still says he is handsomer than Robert Redford.'

Chris - age 7

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'Love is when your puppy licks your face even after you left him alone all day.'

Mary Ann - age 4

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'I know my older sister loves me because she gives me all her old clothes and has to go out and buy new ones.'

Lauren - age 4

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'When you love somebody, your eyelashes go up and down and little stars come out of you.' (what an image)

Karen - age 7

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'Love is when Mommy sees Daddy on the toilet and she doesn't think it's gross.'

Mark - age 6
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'You really shouldn't say 'I love you' unless you mean it. But if you mean it, you should say it a lot. People forget.'

Jessica - age 8
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And the final one -- Author and lecturer Leo Buscaglia once talked about a contest he was asked to judge.

The purpose of the contest was to find the most caring child.

The winner was a four year old child whose next door neighbor was an elderly gentleman who had recently lost his wife.

Upon seeing the man cry, the little boy went into the old gentleman's yard, climbed onto his lap, and just sat there.

When his Mother asked what he had said to the neighbor, the little boy said,

'Nothing, I just helped him cry'

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The secret blunder that sank Titanic - command misunderstood, helmsman turned ship toward iceberg http://www.ottawacitizen.com/secret+blunder+that+sank+Titanic/3563674/story.html

Cookies by Douglas Adams (author: "Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy")

This actually did happen to a real person, and the real person was me. I
had gone to catch a train. This was April 1976, in Cambridge, U.K. I was
a bit early for the train. I'd gotten the time of the train wrong.

I went to get myself a newspaper to do the crossword, and a cup of
coffee and a packet of cookies. I went and sat at a table.

I want you to picture the scene. It's very important that you get this
very clear in your mind.

Here's the table, newspaper, cup of coffee, packet of cookies. There's a
guy sitting opposite me, perfectly ordinary-looking guy wearing a
business suit, carrying a briefcase.

It didn't look like he was going to do anything weird. What he did was
this: he suddenly leaned across, picked up the packet of cookies, tore
it open, took one out, and ate it.

Now this, I have to say, is the sort of thing the British are very bad
at dealing with. There's nothing in our background, upbringing, or
education that teaches you how to deal with someone who in broad
daylight has just stolen your cookies.

You know what would happen if this had been South Central Los Angeles.
There would have very quickly been gunfire, helicopters coming in, CNN,
you know. . . But in the end, I did what any red-blooded Englishman
would do: I ignored it. And I stared at the newspaper, took a sip of
coffee, tried to do a clue in the newspaper, couldn't do anything, and
thought, what am I going to do?

In the end I thought, nothing for it, I'll just have to go for it, and I
tried very hard not to notice the fact that the packet was already
mysteriously opened. I took out a cookie for myself. I thought, that
settled him. But it hadn't because a moment or two later he did it
again. He took another cookie.

Having not mentioned it the first time, it was somehow even harder to
raise the subject the second time around. "Excuse me, I couldn't help
but notice . . ." I mean, it doesn't really work.

We went through the whole packet like this. When I say the whole packet,
I mean there were only about eight cookies, but it felt like a lifetime.
He took one, I took one, he took one, I took one. Finally, when we got
to the end, he stood up and walked away.

Well, we exchanged meaningful looks, then he walked away, and I breathed
a sigh of relief and sat back. A moment or two later the train was
coming in, so I tossed back the rest of my coffee, stood up, picked up
the newspaper, and underneath the newspaper were my cookies.

The thing I like particularly about this story is the sensation that
somewhere in England there has been wandering around for the last
quarter-century a perfectly ordinary guy who's had the same exact story,
only he doesn't have the punch line.

(Excerpted from "The Salmon of Doubt: Hitchhiking the Galaxy One Last
Time" by Douglas Adams)

Hilarious, but true. Microsoft, as part of its drive to get people and
companies to migrate from Windows XP to Windows 7, has developed
a little Windows widget that you can use to count down the days until
that moment in 2014 when XP hits its End of Support.

So, that's a widget to get people and companies off Windows XP. With us so far?

Mmm... yes... System requirements... "Supported Operating Systems: Windows 7, Windows Vista."

http://www.guardian.co.uk/technology/blog/2011/jul/13/microsoft-xp-widget

The 'green' thing....
by Denny Roberge
August 8, 2011

In the line at the store, the cashier told an older woman that she should bring her own grocery bags because plastic bags weren't good for the environment.

The woman apologized to him and explained, "We didn't have the green thing back in my day." The clerk responded, " That's our problem today. Your generation did not care enough to save our environment."

He was right -- our generation didn't have the green thing in its day.

Back then, we returned milk bottles, soda bottles and beer bottles to the store. The store sent them back to the plant to be washed and sterilized and refilled, so it could use the same bottles over and over. So they really were recycled.

But we didn't have the green thing back in our day.

We walked up stairs, because we didn't have an escalator in every store and office building. We walked to the grocery store and didn't climb into a 300-horsepower machine every time we had to go two blocks.

But she was right; we didn't have the green thing in our day.

Back then, we washed the baby's diapers because we didn't have the throw-away kind. We dried clothes on a line, not in an energy-gobbling machine burning up 220 volts -- wind and solar power really did dry the clothes. Kids got hand-me-down clothes from their brothers or sisters, not always brand-new clothing. But that old lady is right: we didn't have the green thing back in our day.

Back then, we had one TV, or radio, in the house -- not a TV in every room. And the TV had a small screen the size of a handkerchief (remember them?), not a screen the size of Montana.

In the kitchen, we blended and stirred by hand because we didn't have electric machines to do everything for us.

When we packaged a fragile item to send in the mail, we used a wadded up old newspaper to cushion it, not Styrofoam or plastic bubble wrap.

Back then, we didn't fire up an engine and burn gasoline just to cut the lawn. We used a push mower that ran on human power. We exercised by working so we didn't need to go to a health club to run on treadmills that operate on electricity.

But she's right; we didn't have the green thing back then.

We drank from a fountain when we were thirsty instead of using a cup or a plastic bottle every time we had a drink of water.

We refilled writing pens with ink instead of buying a new pen, and we replaced the razor blades in a razor instead of throwing away the whole razor just because the blade got dull.

But we didn't have the green thing back then.

Back then, people took the streetcar or a bus and kids rode their bikes to school or walked instead of turning their moms into a 24-hour taxi service..

We had one electrical outlet in a room, not an entire bank of sockets to power a dozen appliances. And we didn't need a computerized gadget to receive a signal beamed from satellites 2,000 miles out in space in order to find the nearest pizza joint.

But isn't it sad the current generation laments how wasteful we old folks were just because we didn't have the green thing back then?

Please forward this on to another selfish old-timer who needs a lesson in conservation from a smartass young whippersnapper!

Is this guy for real?
http://edinburghnews.scotsman.com/breaking-edinburgh-news/Man-facing-jail-after-reporting.6828474.jp

...and there's more! http://edinburghnews.scotsman.com/news/Drug-dealer-who-tied-mobile.6828333.jp

OMG, they don't know what's going on behind them.

This is the moment a serious nightly news show inadvertently used crude
English language abbreviations and internet slang - on an eye chart.

Hopefully, not all viewers in Norway would have been familiar with the
meanings - but those who were would not have believed their eyes when
confronted by a segment on optical treatment for pensioners on news show Dagsrevyen.

The spot featured two newsreaders flanking a graphic of an eye chart whose
top most visible letters read down as 'OMG' and 'WTF'.

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2079900/Norwegian-TV-presenters-caught-crude-cyber-slang-them.html

"PayPal: if you don't like the violin you bought, smash it and we'll
give you your money back"

http://boingboing.net/2012/01/04/paypal-if-you-dont-like-the.html?utm_source=feedburner&utm_medium=feed&utm_campaign=Feed%3A+boingboing%2FiBag+%28Boing+Boing%29#comment-400368146

I wasn't very happy recently when one of the kids got her belly button pierced. However, after seeing this I sighed with relief thinking that it could have been worse
http://oddstuffmagazine.com/bagelheads-trend-from-japan.html

In case you needed further proof that the human race is doomed through
stupidity, here are some actual labels on consumer goods:


On a Sears hairdryer: Do not use while sleeping.(that's the only time I
have to work on my hair)

On a bag of Fritos! ..You could be a winner! No purchase necessary.
Details inside. (the shoplifter special)?

On a bar of Dial soap: "Directions: Use like regular soap." (and that
would be how?...)

On some Swanson frozen dinners: "Serving suggestion: Defrost." (but,
it's just a suggestion).

On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom): "Do not turn upside
down." (well...duh, a bit late, huh!)

On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding: "Product will be hot after heating."
(...and you thought?...)

On packaging for a Rowenta iron: "Do not iron clothes on body." (but
wouldn't this save me more time?)

On Boot's Children Cough Medicine: "Do not drive a car or operate
machinery after taking this medication." (We could do a lot to reduce
the rate of construction accidents if we could just get those
5-year-olds with head-colds off those forklifts.)

On Nytol Sleep Aid: "Warning: May cause drowsiness." (and.. .I'm taking
this because?...)

On most brands of Christmas lights: "For indoor or outdoor use only."
(as opposed to...what?)

On a Japanese food processor: "Not to be used for the other use." (now,
somebody out there, help me on this. I'm a bit curious.)

On Sunsbury's peanuts: "Warning: contains nuts." (talk about a news flash)

On an American Airlines packet of nuts: "Instructions: Open packet, eat
nuts." (Step 3: maybe, uh...fly Delta?)

On a child's superman costume: "Wearing of this garment does not enable
you to fly." (I don't blame the company. I blame the parents for this one.)

On a Swedish chainsaw: "Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands."
(...was there a lot of this happening somewhere)

On a baby stroller: "Do not fold up with child still inside."

On a wheelbarrow: " Not intended for highway use"

On a toilet brush: " Do not use for personal hygiene"

On a nine-by-three-inch plastic bag of air used for packing: " Do not
use this product as a toy, pillow, or flotation device"

On a thermometer: " Once used rectally, the thermometer should not be
used orally"

On a dishwasher: " Do not allow children to play in the dishwasher"

On a three-pronged fishhook: " Harmful if swallowed"

On a can of pepper spray: " May irritate eyes"

On a CD player: " Waring - dangerous warning inside"

On a TV remote: " Not dishwasher safe"

On a smoke detector: " Do not use the silence feature in emergency
situations. It will not extinguish a fire."

So, which came first, the chicken or....... http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/17769677

Does this sound familiar

I have a little Satnav
It sits there in my car
A Satnav is a driver's friend
It tells you where you are

I have a little Satnav
I've had it all my life
It does more than the normal one
My Satnav is my wife

It gives me full instructions
On exactly how to drive
"It's thirty miles an hour" it says
"And you're doing thirty five"

It tells me when to stop and start
And when to use the brake
And tells me that it's never ever
Safe to overtake

It tells me when a light is red
And when it goes to green
It seems to know instinctively
Just when to intervene

It lists the vehicles just in front
It lists those to the rear
And taking this into account
It specifies my gear

I'm sure no other driver
Has so helpful a device
For when we leave and lock the car
It still gives its advice

It fills me up with counselling
Each journey's pretty fraught
So why don't I exchange it
And get a quieter sort?

Ah well, you see, it cleans the house
Makes sure I'm properly fed
It washes all my shirts and things
And - keeps me warm in bed!

This story reminds me of the film 'Flight of the Phoenix'. It's amazing what some people can achieve when they are up against it
http://tinyurl.com/7por5cz

From ABC News:

"A 5-year-old girl was suspended from school earlier this week after she made what the school called a “terrorist threat.”
Her weapon of choice? A small, Hello Kitty automatic bubble blower.
The kindergartner, who attends Mount Carmel Area Elementary School in Pennsylvania, caught administrators’ attention after suggesting she and a classmate should shoot each other with bubbles.
...The kindergartner was ordered to undergo a psychological evaluation during her 10-day suspension, which was later reduced to two days. The evaluation deemed the girl normal and not a threat to others, Ficker said."

http://abcnews.go.com/blogs/headlines/2013/01/kindergartner-suspended-over-bubble-gun-threat/

Quality Control Engineering

A toothpaste factory had a problem. They sometimes shipped empty
boxes without the tube inside. This challenged their perceived
quality with the buyers and distributors. Understanding how important
the relationship with them was, the CEO of the company assembled his
top people. They decided to hire an external engineering company to
solve their empty boxes problem. The project followed the usual
process: budget and project sponsor allocated, RFP, and third-parties
selected. Six months (and $8 million) later they had a fantastic
solution - on time, on budget, and high quality. Everyone in the
project was pleased.

They solved the problem by using a high-tech precision scale that
would sound a bell and flash lights whenever a toothpaste box weighed
less than it should. The line would stop, someone would walk over,
remove the defective box, and then press another button to re-start
the line. As a result of the new package monitoring process, no empty
boxes were being shipped out of the factory.

With no more customer complaints, the CEO felt the $8 million was
well spent. He then reviewed the line statistics report and
discovered the number of empty boxes picked up by the scale in the
first week was consistent with projections, however, the next three
weeks were zero! The estimated rate should have been at least a dozen
boxes a day. He had the engineers check the equipment, they verified
the report as accurate.

Puzzled, the CEO traveled down to the factory, viewed the part of
the line where the precision scale was installed, and observed just
ahead of the new $8 million dollar solution sat a $20 desk fan
blowing the empty boxes off the belt and into a bin. He asked the
line supervisor what that was about.

"Oh, that," the supervisor replied, "Bert, the kid from maintenance,
put it there because he was tired of walking over every time the bell
rang."

THIS IS AN ACTUAL CUSTOMER REVIEW FROM A MAN ON AMAZON.CO.UK AFTER USING
VEET HAIR REMOVAL CREAM FOR MEN.


After having been told my danglies looked like an elderly Rastafarian I decided
to take the plunge and buy some of this as previous shaving attempts had only
been mildly successful and I nearly put my back out trying to reach the more difficult bits.
Being a bit of a romantic I thought I would do the deed on the missus's birthday as a bit if a treat.
I ordered it well in advance and working in the North Sea I considered myself a bit
above some of the characters writing the previous reviews and wrote them off as
soft office types...Oh my fellow sufferers how wrong I was. I waited until the other
half was tucked up in bed and after giving some vague hints about a special surprise
I went down to the bathroom. Initially all went well and I applied the gel and stood
waiting for something to happen. I didn’t have long to wait.

At first there was a gentle warmth which in a matter of seconds was replaced by an
intense burning and a feeling I can only describe as like being given a barbed wire wedgie
by two people intent on hitting the ceiling with my head. Religion hadn't featured much
in my life until that night but I suddenly became willing to convert to any religion to stop
the violent burning around the turd tunnel and what seemed like the the destruction of
the meat and two veg. Struggling not to bite through my bottom lip I tried to wash the
gel off in the sink and only succeeded in blocking the plughole with a mat of hair.
Through the haze of tears I struggled out of the bathroom across the hall into the kitchen,
by this time walking was not really possible and I crawled the final yard to the fridge in the
hope of some form of cold relief. I yanked the freezer drawer out and found a tub of ice cream,
toe the lid off and positioned it under me. The relief was fantastic but only temporary as it
melted fairly quickly and the fiery stabbing returned. Due to the shape of the ice cream tub I
hadn’t managed to give the starfish any treatment and I groped around in the draw for something
else as I was sure my vision was going to fail fairly soon. I grabbed a bag of what I later found
out was frozen sprouts and tore it open trying to be quiet as I did so. I took a handful of them
and an tried in vain to clench some between the cheeks of my arse. This was not doing the trick
as some of the gel had found its way up the chutney channel and it felt like the space shuttle
was running its engines behind me.

This was probably and hopefully the only time in my life I was going to wish there was a gay
snowman in the kitchen which should give you some idea of the depths I was willing to sink
to in order to ease the pain. The only solution my pain crazed mind could come up with was
to gently ease one of the sprouts where no veg had gone before.
Unfortunately, alerted by the strange grunts coming from the kitchen the other half chose
that moment to come and investigate and was greeted by the sight of me, arse in the air,
strawberry ice cream dripping from my bell end pushing a sprout up my arse while
muttering “ooooohhh that feels good” Understandably this was a shock to her and she let
out a scream and as I hadn’t heard her come in it caused an involuntary spasm of shock in
myself which resulted in the sprout being ejected at quite some speed in her direction.
I can understand that having a sprout fired against your leg at 11 at night in the kitchen probably
wasn’t the special surprise she was expecting and having to explain to the kids the next day what
the strange hollow in the ice cream was didn’t improve my status…so to sum it up, VEET removes
hair, dignity and self-respect ~ Cerys

In 1961, Leonid Rogozov, 27, was the only surgeon in the Soviet Antarctic Expedition. During the expedition, he felt severe pain in the stomach and had a high fever. Rogozov examined himself and discovered that his appendix was inflamed and could burst at any time. With a local anesthesia, he operated himself to remove the appendix. An engineer and a meteorologist assisted surgery.